Faking smiles.

Is it just me or 2013 is getting worse by the day?
Every week is fucking horrible. Seriously. There can't be a day where I don't feel upset/feel like crying. Everyday, something always disappoints me and lets me down, someone criticizes me, someone scolds me, someone ignores me; it's a never ending whirlwind of negative emotions.
I just feel that it really isn't my fault and you all have to make life difficult for me, not caring if it hurts me or not.
Stupid troubles faced now : SYF, keeping up with studies, friendship problems, stress management problems, family relationships.
I feel that no one really cares about me. I don't know why but I never really felt the true meaning of happiness this year so far.
I feel like I don't exist in their world and treat me as an invisible person.
I feel that everyone communicates with me only because it's necessary.

Like yesterday, my tuition ended at 7.40pm and I wanted to go home for dinner. However apparently they thought I was eating on my own so they didn't buy any dinner for me. They offered to buy dinner for me and then I asked what's there to eat. My mum shouted at me irritatingly and said she was trying to help me but I was wasting time cox I should now what food choices there are. I just hung up.

Ended up eating tauhuay for dinner and felt like crying when walking home (almost, I didn't cry). How could they forget about me, and they didn't even show a hint of remorse and thought that I was in the wrong.

And today I spent $3 on photocopying the stupid poster for bio. And then my mum scolded me, saying I was stupid for not bringing the hard copy and said I could have saved $1.

SERIOUSLY, IS $1 THAT FUCKING IMPORTANT TO YOU?!
And then she gave a whole lecture about how I waste money and told me that we aren't so rich and whatever. Yes as I'm typing I feel like crying.
Is $1 really more important than your daughter?
Fine, let me give you your stupid dollar back and I'll just leave this home, okay? Happy? No one else to waste your money, no one else to irritate/bother you.

Everyday I feel the lump in my throat (when I'm about to cry) and swallow it, because I tell myself that I won't be such a pussy. EVERY FUCKING DAY. I hold back my tears, try to act as if it didn't affect me.

Can't wait to leave this screwed up place when I'm older.

I don't want to live in this kind of misery. Just let me die. I don't see any point of living, crying everyday, being let down.