EOYs.

Hey, so the EOYs have already started.
And i'm very scared. I'll be doing a diary of my "study journey", just to record my prog :) And hope you won't be bored to death by this.


25 Sept 2012
I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m just scrambling everywhere for notes, practices. But what have I been doing. I don’t feel accomplished at all even though I finished almost all about biology today. I just feel something is..missing. Everytime I complete something, my head will keep saying:
“You didn’t study enough today. Study more! More is better! Time is running out! You just wasted one day.”
Ugh, I just don’t feel secure even with studying. I’m terribly scared for geography and history. I don’t want to do badly and be a great disappointment, imagine all the shame and guilt facing me if I get a bad result.
Ever since I failed history, i’ve been feeling insecure as ever. What? Does this mean all the As I’ve been getting for my daily assignments the whole year has been.. worthless? Crap?
Maybe I worry too much. I just think I can’t get anything right.
Chinese is unpredictable because my compre sucks.
LA I don’t know because I only improved recently out of luck(?)
Math.. Well I think I can get an A but can’t be too sure
Science.. I think I can get an A! But can’t be too confident also
History and geog.. Idk lah. Sigh. I would be bloody happy if I could get a B.
I need my 2.93 GPA. Badly. I want it badly and desperately.
It’s a matter of how much I want it.
Ok, I made sacrifices like deleting twitter and insta and games from my phone, but not enough.
1) I pledge not to go on the computer on afternoons
2 )I pledge not to touch the ipad(which connects me to insta and twitter)
3) I pledge to give all my best everyday.
And if WHEN I get an A for EOYS, it’ll be okay :D

29 Sept 2012
Horrible day today.
So I showed my mum my chinese results, and she was obv pretty pissed because i failed 综合天空 (6/20) which was extremely bad. She then scolded me for not making use of my tuition teacher, and then gave me a lessoon on money and how she paid $85 for each lesson and it's wasted blah blah. And I don't blame her for that, but my chinese is really bad. Yeah, language is something that you can't pick up overnight, but i just hate chinese a lot. My vocabulary is limited and is as good as a 12 year old's.
And then I cried (not hysterically, but i was sniffing), feeling like such a pathetic person who sucks balls at evrything. WHat made it worse was that my chinese tuition was next, and I didn't bring any tissue, so i was trying to cover up my swollen looking face and wiping away the mucus with my hands that kept flowing (yucks) My mum really PMSes really bad ALL THE TIME. SOmetimes for not putting the buttons back, for not eating my fish oil, for revising too much on a particular topic (wtf), not bringing my PE shirt back to school etc. Which i really can't stand. SOmetimes I even curse secretly, hoping that she'll go mute one day and not speaking a single word again.
I have to prove to everyone that I'm not as stupid/dumb/useless as they think, and prove that i've been working fucking hard. Ok, fucking hard may be an overstatement. And also I can't disappoint my teachers because i've been making some improvement in various subjects. And of coursse, not let my friends look down on me. Ok i admit i'm extremely competitive.

Well now I can just pray the topics I studied will come out.

8 Sept :)

A late post here.
I had a great time on Saturday hooray :D Finally took purikura with my secondary school friends (after almost 2 years of being friends wtf.)

Before that we watched a chinese play called 傻姑娘和怪老树. Which translates to "The silly girl and the old tree". My friend suggested watching it because it looked like a fairytale-ish story. I mean what could be so scary/sad/angry/violent about a girl and a tree? And I couldn't be bothered checking the exact details of the play because I deduced that it will probably be a very happy story.

Well, we were proven wrong.
Firstly it was a MODERN INTERPRETATION. And now the "tree" is a grandfather that is mistreated by his family members after he is a burden. Kind of like the giving tree but a bit sadder. I didn't get the story (due to my lousy chinese standards) And what's the best part? I only found out that after the play -_- *slaps myself*

Later went for purikura (LOL, using this word instead of the normal neoprints to make myself more proffesional) with Angel and Angeline.

And also shocked my friends with my everlasting vainess in posing for pictures. And acting cute.

And their cluelessness of operating a neoprint machine shocked me too lol.

Ok you can't blame them, because I just went there in June, and after taking at least 284279402 sets of neoprints I should know better :)

WARNING: ERXIN PICTURES AHEAD PLUS CAPTIONS THAT MAY MAKE YOU PUKE.


The background so nice, of course also must camwhore here mah!

 


Me with awkward smile.


  Oh hai I look so KAWAII in ribbons!



 All my friends: Smiling Me: Pouting :*
I LIKE THIS THE MOST! CHIO RIGHT? NO?
 
Actually took another set but I lost it on the mrt fml times 100000 My 4 dollars wasted like that. T_T

 Here is a picture to enlighten you:


My arm looks fat. Ok bye.

FATTTT

At the start of July I wanted to lose weight ank said that I wanted to go from 44kg to 42kg by September right?

And, guess what? 

IT FAILED! Yay.

But but but I will not give up. I think it's because I'm too guai and not skip meals. I realised carbohydrates like rice, noodles and bread make you gain weight wtf. And as a true-blue asian, -cough- I HAVE to eat all these everyday. It has been part of my diet since I was young -.-

And also, it's practically impossible to not eat carbohydrates because my ma will probably think I'm mad and send me to a mental hospital or something.

So, I have decided to try to skip meals in school. Like drink instead of eat. (Hey, It's better than starving yourself right?) Maybe vegetarian doesn't work because i'm STILL eating rice. Have to cut down on all those stuff. And some girl in my school said she lost 1.5kg by skipping meals. Oh my, if I can lose even a kg I'll be over the moon. Plus, in school you can't eat in class so I'll have no choice but to adapt ^^ Cool right. And get to my goal weight of 42.

You may be thinking - Hey, 44kg isn't so bad!

Well no, especially if 
1) You are surrounded by girls with the same height as you BUT at least 3-7kg lighter than you wtf. Make me look like a pig.
2)You are only 154cm, and the maximum you'll probably grow to is 159cm -.-

And although I'm kind of underweight by the posh BMI standards, I think BMI is total bullshit. Like they should create  a new BMI for kids and teenagers because we still do not have boobs and other shit. That's why I am considered underweight.  Better lose now or else when I grow up with all those stuff I'll be 46kg or something 

NO THIS CAN'T HAPPEN.

Ok bye, gonna sleep :>
Excited for tmr because my clique are going to Somerset@313 ^^

New Paper big walk 2012!

So today I just came back from TNP big walk and it was..meh. Aiya it's just a walk, what do you expect?

At first I was really cranky because firstly we had to gather at 7.45am at clark quay, and my shirt was bloody big although it was XS, and my aunties were pestering me to take photos. Then the walk actually started at around 8.15am. We were at the back of the line thus we had to wait until 8.36am TILL WE ACTUALLY REACHED THE STARTING LINE-.- Mind you, there were 20,000 people walking at an old grandma's pace (A step every 3 seconds) And I was thinking "Omg it's going to be 5om by the time we reach the finishing line" (which was 5km away)

And then, and then, and then, the thing continued for 10 minutes until we decided to walk the overhead bridge intead of the underpass. Good that the congestion problem got better after that because everyone was more spread out andthere was more space phew. We were supposed to walk to marina barrage but for some reason I had an urge to finish it early so I briskwalked. Finally I reached and it felt good :D Haven't walked so long and I was walking 1 hour non stop! NOT BAD OK!

Later I tried Nando's chicken for the first time mmmm it was heavenly.

Anyway, i don't think it's worth the $18 to go on this big walk thing. It's definitely good exercise and it can motivate you to lose weight. (that's specifically why I came by the way) But meh, you can walk this route anytime. For free. But the goodies are rather good, like Nando's vouchers, free denizen t-shirt and some cruise voucher thing. So, depends on the goodies yeah.

Anyway I AM STILL DETERMINED TO LOSE WEIGHT (although I totally failed my 42kg goal-.-) probably going to eat like some pig in the school holidays but I will try to resist the temptation. For skinnier legs and a flat stomach. No, I am not crazy. I think I will record my health shit here to be dedicated ^-^ And no, this won't become a boring blog, will still be doing my normal posts ^-^ Going to festive hotel tmr so won't be active! I'll try to take naise pictures :)